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May 25, 2004
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O miscellaneous friend, please do be so kind as to tell me
     all the sordid details of your sexual life.
By all means, tell me how long it was, how long he could go for—
     please do not stop, I am so deeply intrigued when you count
every single position you two squirmed into that night—it
     seems that you emptied out whole Kama Sutras yourselves
(or, failing that, at least a website or two). Oh, and do not
     fail to repeat all the sweet nothings he dripped in your ears.
Show me with wanton pride every roseate love bite he left you;
     moan like a dying cow while you explain that you're sore;
tie me down and force each throbbing pulsating detail
     into my protesting throat—

What?
You took pictures?
… oh, God.
:iconanimvs-alveari:
Sometimes we feel that being forced to hear about other people's sexual encounters (if you aren't close friends) is a kind of conversational rape.

Since this is a short satirical poem, we set it to elegaic meter as a nod to Catullus. There's one line of dactylic hexameter, then one line that scans dactyl or spondee/dactyl or spondee/long, dactyl/dactyl/long. We tried to accentuate the listener's pain using the meter--let us know if it worked XD
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:iconarmorfelix2001:
yeah, I dug the meter, almost sounded like a bored Ben Stein having to entertain a bore. I know what you mean, what really sucks is when some woman says that, and she said she was sharing something special with you *puke*
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:iconadolfchrist:
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hell, I was laughing as soon as you said "conversational rape"...
And yeah, the meter thing did it's job damn well.
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:iconheatherkat:
roflmao xD;;
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:icontei-has-pants:
Another winner from the tenticular depths!!! nice one, Akela xD The ending was brilliant.
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